Why "You're So Brave/Confident" Is Not The Compliment You Think It Is
If there is one thing that I absolutely hate hearing as a plus-size woman, it’s the backhanded phrases people try to dress up as a ‘compliment’ - i.e. “wow you’re so confident”, ‘you’re not fat, you’re beautiful”(as if both cannot be true at the same time) or “omg, you are so brave for wearing that, I could never” aka I am much smaller than you and still do not have the range to wear this, so why do you? You can call me sensitive all you want but if you really take the time to analyze those statements for what they really are, then you will see why it’s not giving what y’all thought it was giving.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with being confident or even being told that you are confident. I also don’t think that every person making these comments are intentionally coming from a bad place. However, context, timing, and intent matter. Ask yourself why seeing a fat person in a bikini at the beach makes you think “wow this is so brave” - what else would they be wearing… to the beach. Ask yourself why you never think to post “it’s the confidence for me” under a slimmer friends post. Ask yourself exactly why you say these types of comments to fat people exclusively. These comments imply that fat people simply existing and not hiding in large, unflattering, boring clothing to be digestible for everyone else, is a brave act because they should be ashamed of themselves.
Bravery is fighting for injustice when the odds are constantly stacked against you. Bravery is speaking up for others despite the consequences you may face. Bravery is moving from your home country with a dollar and a dream in hopes of building a better life for your family. Bravery is taking a leap of faith and believing in yourself even when no one else understands your goal. Fat bodies existing and simply living their lives should not be categorized as bravery, but the standard. Just like it is for everyone else. Basic human respect and decency should apply to every single BODY, and it sucks that I even have to re-iterate this in big big 2021.
The same way you would compliment anyone else, is the same way you should compliment a plus size bodies. We are just regular people - it’s not a difficult concept to grasp. And I know this is also a crazy suggestion but if you don’t have anything genuine or positive to say, you can literally say ~ nothing ~. Speak to people with the same care, respect, and courtesy you would wish to receive for yourself. Point blank, PERIOD.
